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[Wednesday] |
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somebody in the office brought in what smells like Wendy's (as much as i try to stay away from fast food, i LOVE wendy's), and all i have is some shitty frozen bean and cheese burrito for lunch. damn you, mystery Wendy's customer.
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[Monday] |
I cant go to work
The boss is a jerk
I aint got time for this school
The fuckers are fools
Im going to explode
Ive had it!
I lie around with the tv on
I dont do nothin, I just hang around
Waitin for your call
But I dont know where to fall
Im going to explode
Ive had it!
Its no use
I cant take no more abuse
Im tired of the fuckin lines
Im losing my mind
Im going to explode
Ive had it!
Killin all your dreams
Really who remembers?
I play guitar for my car
And I wont get very far
Im going to explode |
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[Thursday] |
THIS JOURNAL IS NOW FRIENDS ONLY.
because people just can't resist being creeps. so suck it.
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[Wednesday] |
Methodist Coloring Book by the Dead Milkmen is still my favorite song of their's and my all-time favorite video. i love it.
i got a new dvd player for my birthday, some nice bed sheets, and my sewn-in extensions are gonna be part of the present.
i plan on getting drunk (but not TOO drunk) off rum tonight, having a great time with all my friends, and having awesome birthday sex. nobody's sleeping on john's floor tonight, i just turned 20 and im tryina banggg. ohhh yeah ;). hahaha.
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[Tuesday] |
soo i went shopping today with jasmin. my aunt gave me one of those $100 commerce bank gift cards for xmas, so i used that...first i went to sephora and got an eyeliner brush and a set of false eyelashes (for new years eve). we went to H&M and i saw marielle! i didnt get anything there, though. then we went to the MAC counter at macy's, the same girl who matched me up for my foundation was there and she remembered me so she helped me out...i got some matching face powder, fluidline in blacktrack, and pigment in dark soul....most baller shit EVER!
tomorrow's my birthdayyyy!!!! i'm gonna wear my vermefug shirt, black jeans, bullet belt (havent worn that in ages), my hair teased out as all hell, and these incredibly obnoxious gold glitter lightning bolt earrings i got at H&M. it's my party and i just don't give a fuckkkk.
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| some kid trying to rob the popoff at 5 AM |
[Saturday] |
i got back from john's a few hours ago. i had a really nice time with him. we exchanged christmas presents...he got me Married With Children Season 1 on dvd (yes!), a Dead Kennedy's tshirt with the DK symbol on it, and these two cool vintage-ish Iggy Pop and Germs baby tee's...i felt bad because the Germs shirt was too small and the Iggy Pop one was stretched out, and he was all upset that they didn't fit me right. it's ok though, once i cut them up/sew them a little bit they'll look awesome. i really liked the stuff he got me and it was so sweet because i could tell he put a lot of thought into it. since i couldn't stay tonight, we kinda just sat around and relaxed yesterday and today. i missed him so so much. he's so sweet to me. aoisfdujlkdjf i can't even begin to describe it, he's just the best.
on another note, at 5 in the morning john got a phone call from sal (who was downstairs) saying that there was someone in the house. me and john went to the top of the steps (john was stark naked, HAHA), and we see sal, jay, jared, and jorge surrounding this kinda preppy-thug looking black kid. the kid was giving this bullshit story about the reason he walked in the back door and through the house was because he was just trying to get out front to walk home. well, he was obviously trying to steal shit from the house. john threw on a pair of my pants and went downstairs with everybody else; the kid was scared shitless...i guess he realized that he walked into the wrong house. he kept trying to get out of trouble by saying things like "why would i rob a house in broad daylight?" (note: it was 5 IN THE MORNING and pitch black outside) and "you know, i was just coming through, blase-blase". not only have i NEVER heard anyone use the phrase "blase-blase" in real life before, but this kid said it almost every other word. it was INSANE. john told sal to open up the door and let the kid out, and just as the mother fucker though he was gonna get away scot-free, john picked him up and literally threw him off the front porch onto the pavement (completely over the 6 ft. of steps they have in front of the porch). he landed on his face. after that, whatever black the kid had in him came out, and he started talking all this shit about "bring your best man out, let's fight." just as john was about to go beat his ass, roy came out of nowhere and hopped onto the front porch, completely clothed even though he had just been sleeping. the kid said something about roy being a "zoo york mother fucker" (aka the skate company), and just like that roy was off the porch on top of the kid with john right behind him. roy hooked him right in the mouth and john hit him on the side of the face. the kid went down so fast that they just let him go. all the neighbors came outside and were watching. it was both epic and hilarious. seriously, this is something that could only happen at john's house. ahahah. welcome to jersey.
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[Friday] |
so i took my two exams today...both were pretty easy, though i did have a little trouble on one of the stat problems...oh well.
anyway, there were these stupid glossy posters put up all around the school for a play called "A Camden Christmas Carol." Yes, it was seriously called a CAMDEN christmas carol. They were everywhere-in the bathrooms, the hallways, the stairs, the library-everywhere. It was in the bathroom right before my stat exam when i got the bright idea to steal one. They're on the inside of all the bathroom doors, so i took one before i walked out and shoved it in my backpack. The other people waiting to use the bathroom were probably wondering why the door was shaking so much (it was taped to it) and what was taking so long, but oh well. i probably creeped them out even more because i walked out of the stall laughing to myself. then i stole two more--one from another bathroom, and one from a stairwell. they're actually really nice posters and probably cost a lot of money to make. i almost felt bad, until i realized how funny it's going to be to put them up in john's house without telling anybody. ahahhaha. i keep laughing to myself; i'm just so fucking witty.
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[Friday] |
2 finals today...world masterpieces and stat I. hopefully they won't be too much of a pain in the ass, considering world masterpieces is easy and stat I is open notebook/book. the first one ends at 1030 and the second doesnt start until 2, so i have hours to study in between (lucky me).
after that shit's over with, i'm coming home, getting pretty, packin my shit up and going to new brunswick for the weekend (of course). i can't wait to see my fine-ass boyfriend; i missed him sooo much. the good news is that i'm finally feeling back to my old self, so missing him this week meant me smiling when i thought about him and thinking about good things, rather than crying and worrying about the relationship getting fucked up. sooo in conclusion, this weekend (hopefully) will be better, happier, more exciting, and possibly drunker than last weekend.
lata.
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[Thursday] |
i had a dream last night that i was dancing ballet again (a very small part of a very long dream). When i woke up this morning, my legs were sore as if i'd actually been dancing.
WEIRD.
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[Thursday] |
pretty much feeling back to my old self again. what a relief. i still have to study for finals tomorrow...meh. oh well.
i think i'm gonna tell my mom today that i'm getting my nose pierced. i know exactly what you're thinking..."lucia, you're going to be 20 years old, what's the big deal with getting your nose pierced?" the answer: it's not a big deal. my mother just makes it that way. it's not like i'm getting my septum or anything (even though that owuld be much easier to cover up); i just want to get a little hoop. i think it'd look cute.
i'm also getting my extensions soon!!! god i can't wait.
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| Feat of St. Lucia! |
[Wednesday] |
So, today is the Feast of St. Lucia (the saint i was named after, obv.), and just like every year, i got some presents :). My mom gave me the sweet pair of blue jeans i picked out the other day at express and the awesome tacky gold glitter lightning bolt earrings from H&M, along with some really good dark chocolate (my favorite), $10 wawa gift card, $10, and a nice card :). pretty sweet. tonight we're gonna get some seafood (i think mussels) to celebrate.
a few other big things are going on today. its the last day of classes for this semester, THANK GOD! shit couldn't end soon enough. i still have to study for finals, but at least i don't have to learn anything else.
also, i go to the orthopedic doctor tonight to see what's going on with me knee. it's definated a sprained or partially torn MCL, which they normally don't operate on, but i guess we still have to see what kind of plan of action to take. for all i know, they could just send me on my way and tell me to be gentle with it for the next couple weeks...that would be great, but i'm going to expect the worst because i don't wanna jinx anything. my knee feels better every day, but i still can't squat down if i need to get something, sometimes i can't fully extend it without a little pain, and it gets sore if i sit with it in an awkward position for too long. but i guess we'll see what happens.
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[Tuesday] |
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it's amazing how just writing down everything that was bothering me made me feel 1000x better. i think i just really needed to get all of it out of my system. i talked to john about it, too. once i stopped being mopey and looked at the situation rationally, i realized that me acting that was kinda was having an effect on me and him. last night when i talked to him on the phone, i asked him if he had noticed me acting weird over the past few weeks, and he said yeah. so, i explained everything to him and said sorry for acting like a weirdo. he was very understanding about it, of course :) he's the best. so today i pretty much feel back to normal. let's hope it lasts.
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[Monday] |
the other day, john told me that he was thinking about it a lot, and he realized that even if the things he has planned for himself in life don't work out (his band, job, etc.), he'll be satisfied and happy as long as he can make me happy. it was probably the best thing anyone's ever said to me. i've been pretty emotionally unstable lately; i feel unhappy for no reason a lot, and i kept getting worried that i'm going to somehow ruin me and john's relationship, or that it won't work out. whenever i feel really down, i just think about what he said to me, and try to realize that i have every reason in the world to be happy.
this little bout of depression can't end soon enough. i really hate that i'm feeling this way. the worst thing is that i have no control whatsoever over my emotions, and it's nearly impossible to get me out of a bad mood when i slip into one. talking to john is really the only thing that helps, but most of the time i feel sad again as soon as i get off the phone. honestly, i'm starting to get really worried, and worrying so much only makes the problem worse. talk about a vicious cycle. the thing i'm worried about most is having this affect me and john in some way. i keep getting paranoid that things aren't how they used to be between us and that he doesn't love me anymore. that's absolutely irrational and ridiculous, and even though i know that, i can't stop the thoughts. then i think to myself that me thinking things are changing for the worst is actually making things worse. it's all in my head, all of it, but reminding myself of that doesn't make me feel any better. i sound like a fucking psychopath.
i know this is by no means a permanent thing...i'm just under a lot of stress right now. i'm past the point of being sick of school, i'm worried about the situation with my knee, i'm sick of being broke, things between me and my mom are up and down as always, and to be quite honest, i'm head over heels in love and it scares the shit out of me. it's the most wonderful feeling in the world, but i'm not used to actually caring about a person...i was always that girl who would be with a guy for 2 or 3 weeks, and then drop him like it was nothing. the only guys i "cared" about were the ones i couldn't get, and the only reason things lasted longer than a month was because i was spited by not being able to have them. one of my fortes is fucking things up, and i'm just really scared of losing what me and john have. it sounds horribly cliche but he really is the best thing that ever happened to me, and i'm not willing to give it up.
the only way i can get myself out of this is by keeping a positive attitude. i've gotten out of this before and i will again. it's just hard because when i feel this way, it's usually extremely intense, and even though it's for a relatively short amount of time (a week or two), being so down all the time makes it feel like A LOT longer. i just have to stay rational and realize that everything's going to be okay, that all this stress is going to pass, and that john loves me a lot and wouldn't let anything bad happen to us. as long as i think like that, i'll be okay.
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| dream journal |
[Sunday] |
last night i dreamt i was at Darby Crash's funeral, only instead of him dying when he was 18 like he actually did, it was present-day, and he was like, 50 or something. The funeral mass was outside. During the middle of it, he sat up out of his coffin and closed the lid. Then all of the sudden he was walking around talking to everybody, but everyone still knew he was dead. I was talking to him and telling him how amazing his lyrics were and how he was my idol (lyric-wise), and he told me that they were really nothing. That was pretty much it.
I don't know why i always have dreams about dead people walking around like they're still alive. I had a dream about my Nonna like that right after she died, and i had a dream like that about myself a little while ago. Weird.
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| wow |
[Thursday] |
i feel absolutely miserable today. i hate when i get like this, because i can never tell if i'm being totally irrational, or just seeing things as they really are.
i haven't said this in a long time, but i really, really need to get stoned.
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[Wednesday] |
How ironic; General Tso's is the ONLY chinese food i ever order. besides those bitchin' shrimp egg rolls.
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[Wednesday] |
john's coming over todayyyyyy.
and staying the night.
i'm definately smuggling him into my bed tonight without my parent's permission, again. what can i say, my bed's a lot better with him in it.
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| christmas gifts for john |
[Tuesday] |
I don'tknow which Poison Idea shirt to get him. They have a shirt with this crazy looking skull on it and it says "Poison Idea" (stupid punkstuff.com protected the image so i couldn't post it here). It comes in red and white...i'm kinda leaning towards the white one. Personally, I'd get this one, because i find it hilarious:
 , but i don't think he's into "ironic" stuff like that.
besides that shirt, i'm getting him this stuff:
annihilation time shirt:
The Dr. Zaus one i posted earlier is out of mediums (but they DO have youth larges, so i asked for one for xmas...mwahaha)
new sambas:
Al Green "Love and Happiness" 2-disc set:
haha dead serious with the last one; he loves al green. sometimes i feel like i'm really dating a 40-year-old black man...
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[Tuesday] |
mummy maze rules, especially because i always fuck the shit out of it.
john's coming over tomorrow. i'm gonna take pictures of him and he's gonna hate me for it. oh well.
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| note to self: |
[Monday] |
shane west is a faggot.
NOT darby crash.
just had to throw that out there.
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chee_chi's journal
